


Broken

by melly_diamond



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Canonical Character Death, M/M, Songfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-17
Updated: 2020-12-17
Packaged: 2021-03-10 18:53:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,438
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28121931
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/melly_diamond/pseuds/melly_diamond
Summary: One can only give so much, even to the person they love most in the world.
Relationships: Draco Malfoy/Harry Potter, James Potter/Lily Evans Potter
Kudos: 14





	Broken

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this many years ago - I don't even know how many.
> 
> Harry and Draco lend themselves to angst, don't they? Their relationship is all anger, conflict, misunderstanding, want and resignation. And this song always screamed Drarry to me, just in it's pathos.
> 
> Song: "Broken" by Seether, featuring Amy Lee, released 2004.

_I wanted you to know I love the way you laugh_

_I wanna hold you high and steal your pain away_

_I keep your photograph; I know it serves me well_

_I wanna hold you high and steal your pain_

Draco turned the photo face down on the bedside table - he’d been staring at it for hours and it had finally become too much for him to take. Watching himself smile as the ring was placed on his finger, then glancing up at the person who was holding his hand tight as his other hand tilted Draco’s face up for the sealing kiss…then watching Harry’s grin light the picture up as he turned his face towards the crowd of friends and loved ones in respond to the “It’s about damn time!” shouted by one Ron Weasley, who was already three sheets to the wind, thanks to an early arrival and the well-stocked open bar. Harry had laughed at that and held up Draco’s hand with the gleaming gold band on it in triumph. 

“We did it, my love, can you believe it?” Harry’s color was high and his eyes were sparkling. 

“Mmm…when do we leave for the honeymoon again?” Draco couldn’t stop looking at him then, either - he had never seen Harry so happy. He himself was ecstatic, but as befit a good little pureblood prince, he was keeping his cool, or trying to. 

“In two hours - think you can keep it in your pants that long?” 

“Only if I start drinking now and you stay across the room, ‘cause otherwise, I guarantee nothing.” 

“I love you.” Harry’s whisper was only for him. 

“I love you too.” Draco’s voice was just as soft. 

The resulting kiss earned another chorus of wolf whistles and applause and Draco had had to restrain himself from dragging Harry into the nearest bathroom and ravishing him soundly. 

The rest of the evening had passed in a blur and even stretching his memory to its limit, he was hard pressed to remember much else than those eyes locking onto his at every opportunity. 

And finally, lying with his new husband in their bed at the extremely posh resort in the Bahamas, he had looked down into them and knew that he would never want to be anywhere else than wherever Harry was. 

Ever. 

_‘Cause I’m broken when I’m open_

_And I don’t feel like I am strong enough_

_‘Cause I’m broken when I’m lonesome_

_And I don’t feel right when you’re gone away_

The fight had taken them both by surprise. 

It had started innocently enough; both of them tired, both of them just wanting the other to tend to their needs, neither wanting to give, only take. For Draco, that was par for the course; for most of their relationship, Harry had given, and he had taken, and it had gone along like that until Draco had nearly forgotten what it was to be concerned for another before himself. And most of the time, Harry went with it, occasionally rolling his eyes at some of Draco’s demands, but doing it all the same. Tonight had been different. 

“You are such a bloody selfish git! Why is it always about you, you, fucking _you_?” 

Draco had been taken aback by Harry’s tone and had tried to make a joke. “The fucking you part sounds good…assuming that the “you” means “me” and means that you will soon be fuc…” 

Harry had stared at him. “Do you have any idea what an arsehole you are?” 

“I am aware; what’s your point, Potter? If you don’t want to…” 

“Whether I _want_ to do anything is beside the point! You simply demand things and expect me to do them! What about me? What about what _I_ need?” 

Draco had sighed theatrically then. “Look, Harry, it’s been a long day and I could really just use some pampering and peace and quiet. Can we discuss my personality defects later?” 

“What the hell kind of day do you think I’ve had?” Harry had looked incredulous and angry as well. 

“Well, I wasn’t there of course, but let’s see…you discussed Quidditch all morning in the “office” with Weasley, went to a booze-soaked lunch on an expense account with some eager sponsor, then spent the afternoon touring the Specialty Broom Shop under the pretense of finding the best new series for the team next year, then had tea with Wood, listened to him blather on about his fabulous new contract with Puddlemere United, then came home utterly exhausted.” 

“You really think that’s what I did?” 

“It's pretty much a normal day for you, yes?” He was about to go on, but the look in Harry’s eyes stopped him. 

Harry took a steadying breath. “What is today, Draco?” 

“June 18th, I believe.” 

“Yes. June 18th.” Harry was staring at him, and it unnerved him. 

“Is this a quiz? Should I have studied? Are there notes I could look over?” 

“What does this day mean to you?” 

Draco wrinkled his nose.“Hmmm, that my husband chose this day to be a prat to me when I come home, tired and wanting nothing more than to be cuddled and…” 

“You are fucking unbelievable!” Harry had looked like he wanted to say more – much more - but the words had caught in his throat and he had swallowed and turning, grabbed his jacket and left the room. Seconds later, the crack of apparition had echoed in the foyer. 

What the hell? Draco found himself looking at the spot where Harry had been a moment before, then got up and looked around helplessly, until something caught his eye. 

The book was out of place on the bookshelf - it was askew, and a corner of a yellowed piece of parchment was sticking out of one corner. Draco went to the shelf and tugged the book out, turning it over in his hands and looking at the cover. 

“Black Family History – Toujours Pur” 

Always pure my arse, thought Draco sardonically. A clan that had produced both his mother and darling psychotic Auntie Bellatrix was a winner for sure. He opened the book to where the parchment was bunched and smoothed it out, sliding it back into the binding and scanning the words written there. 

**Record of Life -Sirius Black…November 3, 1959 – June 18, 1996.** Underneath the date was a picture of a smiling Sirius holding a baby, surrounded by a woman with red hair and a man who looked suspiciously like the one who shared his bed. 

Oh fuck. Draco closed his eyes for a moment, then looked again, noting that the page had several smeared areas suggestive of where tears might have splashed on it. 

Goddamn it - how the hell had he forgotten this? And this year made ten years - ten years since Sirius Black had been forced through the Veil by a curse thrown by his cousin, the aforementioned psycho Bellatrix. Ten years since the man Harry had come to know and love as his godfather was taken from him, by Him. At least by default. 

And here he was, being his usual arse of a self when Harry needed him most. 

It was at times like this when Draco cursed not only his upbringing, but his tendency to take the person he loved most in the world for absolute granted. 

Shit. Where would Harry have gone? 

_The worst is over now and we can breathe again_

_I wanna hold you high, you steal my pain away_

_There’s so much left to learn, and no one left to fight_

_I wanna hold you high and steal your pain_

Draco wandered the paths of the graveyard; this place was spooky enough in the daytime, but it was downright terrifying at night. Bloody Gryffindor courage – Harry must need it to be able to come here. And of course, it had started raining, just enough to create a mist when the cool rain met with warm earth. Brilliant. 

Severus had shaken his head in despair when he had floo-called him to find out where Sirius’s grave was. “You’ve been married a year, together for how many before that, and you don’t know something as important to Harry as this?” 

“Spare me the discourse on my lack of empathy; I’ve been kicking myself for the last hour as it is. Which one is it?” 

Severus sighed. “It’s Tower Hamlets, in Southern Grove.” 

“Why the hell would he be buried in a Muggle cemetery?” 

“Perhaps Black lost his virginity there - perhaps he liked the name. A fan of Shakespeare, maybe, how should I know? But it is there that he asked for a headstone, and it is there that Harry had it placed in his memory.” 

“How did I not know this?” 

“Because you are a spoiled, self-centered man who is shamelessly adored by someone who should know better but allows you to continue your Peter Pan-like existence anyway.” 

“Peter Pan?” 

“I’ll never grow up and I’ll live here in Neverland forever!” Honestly, the child was woefully undereducated in some of the most important subjects. 

Draco had scowled briefly, out of habit, then sighed himself. “Think he’s there, Sev?” 

“Most likely - either there or getting drunk. Knowing Potter, I expect he’d consider paying his respects to his beloved godfather while arseholed a travesty so it stands to reason he went there first. And I do hate it when you call me “Sev.” Its undignified.” 

“Thanks, Sev - I’ll let you know when I find him.” 

Snape grunted. “Your marital woes are of little or no concern to me, Draco.” 

Draco waited. 

“But fine, then, floo me when you find him.” The voice was gruff, but the concern – for both of them – was evident. 

“I will.” Draco turned from the fireplace and sighed. He hated cemeteries on principal – it was his belief that if not disintegrated by magical means, that bodies should burn on stone pyres like kings of old. Burial seemed unnecessary and open caskets barbaric. 

But now, In the half-light, the rows of stones looked like sleeping soldiers, moments away from awakening, crouched forms ready for battle. He shivered. 

Predictably, Sirius’s stone was in the very last row, at the far end near the hulking black trees. Draco cautiously walked down the grassy slope and was absurdedly relieved to see a very familiar dark head bent over the stone. 

Closer, he could see that Harry was as close to the stone as he could be without actually becoming one with it, that his cheek was laid against the smooth surface and that his eyes were closed. That he could deal with. 

What broke him were the tears sliding down Harry’s face from underneath the closed lids. 

_‘Cause I’m broken when I’m open_

_And I don’t feel like I am strong enough_

_‘Cause I’m broken when I’m lonesome_

_And I don’t feel right when you’re gone away_

Wordlessly, he sat down on the damp earth beside Harry and leaned his head on the other’s shoulder, his hand snaking down into Harry’s lap and locking around his. Harry’s fingers tightened on his, and Draco slid his other hand up Harry’s back to his neck, twining in the wet hair. 

“What are you doing here?” Harry’s voice was clotted and he cleared his throat, the sound incredibly loud in the silence. 

“I wanted to be with you.” 

“Why?” 

“Because I love you and I’m sorry I didn’t realize what today was. I should have.” 

“How did you know where to find me?” 

“Severus knew the stone was here, and he figured you were here or off getting drunk but felt you probably weren’t the type to visit graveyards while hammered.” 

“What stunning insight into my personality he’s unearthed through the years.” 

“You’d be surprised. Had a few insights into mine too.” 

Harry opened his eyes and turned his head to look at him. “Like what?” 

Draco shook his head. “Not important right now. This is what’s important – what you’re doing.” 

Several minutes passed. 

“I miss him.” 

“I know you do, love. I wish I’d known him, instead of just knowing of him.” 

“He would have been horrified by us.” Harry almost had to smile. 

“I’m sure – most people still are. They can’t believe you put up with me.” He paused. “Hell, I can’t believe you put up with me.” 

“Me either.” 

Draco let go of Harry’s hand and moved it up to turn Harry’s face firmly to his. “I have been an unbelievable prat and things are going to change – I promise.” 

“Don’t say that if you don’t mean it, Draco - making changes out of guilt alone is never a good idea.” 

“I do mean it, and this isn’t guilt – well, not entirely. I realized tonight that I take you for granted, because you never let me down. And instead of being grateful and happy that you love me enough to do everything for me, I took it as my due. And that’s wrong. I’m the lucky one here, not you. You got no bargain with me. But I’m going to change that.” 

“Yeah?” 

“Yeah.” 

Harry extracted himself from Draco’s grip and looked at him sadly. “I wish I could believe you.” 

Something in the tone of his voice set off warning bells in Draco’s mind. “You **can** believe me – I’m absolutely serious.” 

“You think you are right now because you feel guilty, but it won’t last. Without consequences, nothing for you ever does. And in our life so far, there have never been any for all the times you were wrong.” 

“What are you saying?” Draco was finding it hard to form words, his tongue thick. 

“I’ve taken a room at the Leaky Cauldron, and I’m going to be staying there a while. Maybe if what you take so for granted isn’t there, you might begin to understand that sorry isn’t always enough.” 

“Harry…” he felt panic rising in him. “You don’t need to make a statement. I understand, I will change, you just need to give me the chance.” 

“You’ve had so many of those, Draco - so, so many. I don’t know what it will take, but right now I need some time for me. I’ve lost myself in you now for years and I’m not even sure I know who I am when I’m not with you. I need to know.” 

Draco swallowed hard. “Tell me this isn’t forever Harry…please.” 

“I hope not; I don’t know.” Draco felt a cold kiss on his cheek – then Harry was gone and he was alone in the shadows of the dead. 

_You’ve gone away_

_You don’t feel me, anymore_

~End~


End file.
